Anticipation. That kiss, that special one. THE FIRST KISS. At almost 53, I thought I was done with first kisses. But when I stepped off that airplane and realized I'd fallen in love with my best friend, I anticipated and dreaded that first kiss. I knew from the years of getting to know each other that we had different feelings about and methods of kissing. I couldn't help but wonder if that would create a problem for us. But I knew that kissing him would have to happen before I made a decision on whether to stay in my current situation or move on to my newfound love.
The nervousness eased when I thought about how I did really like kissing but in my past relationships it wasn't a big thing. It was nice, it was something we did and enjoyed together but the longer I was married, the more the kisses were just pecks or intimate and nothing in between. Is it possible to take kissing for granted? I think it is and that's exactly what I'd done. But I didn't realize it until that fateful first kiss with DJ. My first week or so with him we did a lot of talking about what we wanted the exploration process to look like for us. How do we explore this new feeling, this new relationship without ruining it. The first thing we agreed on was to not jump into anything the first couple of nights that I was with him. We knew each other well online but we wanted to be well adjusted in person before we did much more than hold hands.
It had been a day or so since we had discussed anything and I was not even thinking about the first kiss at the time. I was sitting in the passenger side of his car and he was getting gasoline. As usual, I was staring off into space and all of a sudden my door was wrenched open and his lips were on mine in a hard, quick kiss. Well damn, ya'll, I nearly fell out of the car. It was unexpected and it just felt right, like the rest of our relationship. There has always just been something right about us.
I know he'd been as nervous as I had been. We both laughed and smiled from ear to ear afterward. I'm not sure for how long, but damn, I can't even remember the rest of the car ride after we left the fuel station.
Once the shock and joy wore off, I was back to being nervous. The first kiss was over, but I knew that all kisses weren't like a surprise first kiss. We never really talked about it again, we just did what seemed to be natural for us. We flirted with both our styles and likes and dislikes without over analyzing it. Oh guys, that's the way to do it. Just go with the flow and don't read too much into it.
I don't remember when our kissing style developed but it did and I gotta say, guys... How come I never knew kissing could be such a wonderful thing. So intimate, sweet, and loving without becoming sexual. Yes, they can be sexual, but it so damn nice when they aren't always that way.
I quickly developed a new favorite pastime. Kissing is... damn, it's really amazing and no one ever told me. It's always this otherworldly experience in romance novels and I never knew that it could really be like that. Ask everyone, the kissing scenes in my books were sooooooo hard to write and kinda sucked.
I've always had trouble telling if people really liked or loved me and that's probably why I was so stingy with kissing. I was afraid I'd find out how someone really felt about me. I'll tell you one thing, though, when DJ and I are kissing, there is no doubt in my mind that I am the love of his life and I hope he can feel the same thing.
And yes, we are that annoying couple that is always kissing. We don't care who is watching and it's rarely just a peck here and there. And don't worry, it isn't full on tongue down each other's throat kissing either. It is our unique brand and I love every minute that we do it. And I'm gonna be mad at ya'll for a long time for not telling me sooner that kissing could be the end all be all to my existence. Without his kisses, I'm not completely me.
Kiss the person you love often. Slow, sweet kisses that show how much you love them. You won't regret it, I promise.
Until Next time...