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The Stigma - Having a much younger BFF

Updated: Aug 3

My BFF. He's older than he looks. And he's a great photographer!

I wasn't sure where to begin with this blog. I've received so much grief over the subject that I felt it was something I needed to address but there are so many places I could begin. Perhaps that's my answer, though. I guess I should start at the beginning.

One of my daughters started dating a nice young man. That's it, that's how it started. That's how we were introduced.

He friended me on Facebook because for some reason he had been given the impression that I didn't like him and he wanted the chance to let me know what his intentions were. That first conversation was a bunch of getting to know you questions and answers between us. It was nothing out of the ordinary. Yet one thing I felt once we said goodnight was that we had an awful lot in common considering our age difference - similar faith and questions about religion, similar ideas about the world and political climate, similar music, similar sense of humor. But I never once thought we'd talk again beyond an occasional hello or how are you or perhaps something concerning my daughter.

The night after we chatted for the first time, he texted me a quick goodnight after he finished speaking to my daughter and she went to bed. And it turned into a five-hour text conversation. What the hell was up with that, though? Did we really have that much to talk about? Well, for me, I chalked it up to getting to know each other and figured it would just stop once we'd established that I was fine with him dating my daughter.

But it continued to happen. I soon learned he was an old soul and that's why we had so much in common. We never ran out of stuff to say and if a silence crept up, it wasn't the least bit awkward. We'd even giggle like a couple of school girls. In fact, the developing friendship reminded me a lot of the one I had with my friend Na in high school.

I kept telling myself that we should stop because of the age difference. Someone was bound to read wrong into it. But for now, no one in my family seemed to mind and his girl/my daughter seemed thrilled that we got along so well - for a young woman it can make things easier if their family accepts their love.

But like I said, deep down I knew that something would spoil it with nasty thoughts and ideas. And sure enough, we were smacked in the face by the worst of accusations. Someone in one of the families accused us of having a sexting affair. It was a long, drawn-out event that nearly destroyed us and his relationship with my daughter. But in the end, we knew that was the point.

With no proof of anything , the accusations never really went anywhere. But some people sure did try to ruin me. My career and freedom were threatened even though he was of legal age if anything had really happened. (I literally stayed off all my work social media for two years so they couldn't find or use anything to try to destroy me... and I lost my Twitter from lack of use, where I had over 17,000 followers) And that's when I started to notice all of the hatred towards our friendship from anyone and everyone. Because I was older I was some kind of predator and because he was younger, he was some kind of victim. But that wasn't the case at all. Luckily our friendship grew strong through the months as we had people pushing against us to end it. But I was the only one who understood the issues he was living through at home and he was the only one I could talk to about my issues of depression/anxiety/chronic pain and the sadness I felt in my current situations. He (and my kids) was the only one who didn't think I was faking or overreacting. He was the only one who understood.

The only way I can explain it to doubters is this way - Yes, we developed a freakishly powerful emotional bond. but as for the physical that would have been needed for a sexual relationship - eww, he's like 10. And he loved my daughter more than anyone I'd ever known. Besides, because of my health issues, I not only now struggle writing love scenes but I couldn't even talk that way to my own husband. When you hate and are embarrassed by your own body, things happen to your mind too and specific parts of yourself become shut off from EVERYONE; including the ones who have known you through good and bad for multiple years.


So now forward many months, the cute young couple that once was is no more but the friendship is still going strong for him and me. We've had a few bumps in the road and a few times we thought the friendship was over but through it all, our bond of FRIENDSHIP seems to be impenetrable. We still laugh/giggle like school girls together, we still finish each other's sentences, we still tell each other everything and anything and we still say I love you at the end of a conversation. Only now that we are friends and not at all like mum and son (like we used to be) those two qualifiers are no longer used. And yes, I say I love you to other friends too. It's part of being a friend who cares. We are now two adults enjoying an adult platonic friendship; brought closer together by meddling families.

P.S I wanted to share the story of how we realized we were actually best friends and not just mum/son/daughter's boyfriend and mother. He and I had been fighting one night for hours on the phone. (I can't remember what about) I was in tears and he was defending himself from some crazy accusation or another when I cried out "You're my best friend and Damn it, I need you to be honest with me!" He went completely silent for a moment as I could sense a smile spreading across his face. "I am?" he asked.

"Yes," I murmured. Our fight soon ended and a few days later he admitted that I was his best friend too. I think it was a hard realization for both of us... Did people with such age differences become best friends; was it even possible? But in the end, we both knew it was because it had surprisingly happened to us.

Seriously, you can't choose who you connect with and since we are both adults, well it doesn't really matter now does it. For those who don't believe...well as my Aussie BFF would say, "You can fuck right off!"


Until Next Time... *Copy from*

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